Living Life After Cancer

It is hard to believe it has been two years since I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. It seems like just yesterday that I received that call from my doctor telling me I had cancer. Not a day has gone by since that phone call that I don’t think about my cancer and how it has changed me. It has been a very long, hard, journey and, for the first time in these last two years, I can honestly say that I finally feel good and am happy with where I am at.

It’s interesting with these “cancerversaries” because, on the one hand, I am excited to have another healthy year under my belt and I want to celebrate that milestone. On the other hand, in the weeks prior to my cancer anniversaries, all the emotions and feelings of my diagnosis, and what I went through, start to swirl back, causing a bit of anxiety which, in turn, make me want to just get past that anniversary date.  Last year was much worse because it was all so fresh in my mind and I still wasn’t feeling great.  This year my anxiety is not as intense but it is still lurking in my consciousness. I’m hoping with each year that passes, this anxiousness will ease.

When I was diagnosed with cancer it was quite shocking. I felt like a million bucks at the time and I couldn’t understand how this could happen to me. With the help of my family and friends, however, I became determined to kick the crap out of this cancer.......and I did.  What I didn’t realize at the time was that, for me, going through the surgeries and treatment for thyroid cancer was going to be the easiest part of this journey. The aftermath of cancer and the medications I needed to take, and still need to take, to keep the cancer from coming back, proved to be a much greater challenge for me. I had periods of feeling really angry inside because I started to wonder if I was ever going to feel good again. For over a year and a half, I woke up almost every day feeling achy and tired. It was a struggle going out looking good on the outside but not feeling so great on the inside. I had a huge amount of guilt because I felt that I should be grateful for being cancer free, and don’t get me wrong, because I was.  I was also depressed because I was in a constant state of fatigue. Running errands, figuring out what to make for dinner, going shopping, making dinner, driving my four boys to the gazillions of activities they had going on, and trying to make it through my 12 hour shifts as a nurse in a busy emergency room  all were so overwhelming. The guilt of telling my kids I didn’t want to go outside and play with them, because I felt achy and just needed to sit on the couch, made me feel like such a failure sometimes. Deep down I knew my kids were just fine but I yearned to go out, run and play with them.

In the beginning of this journey, I really felt strongly that cancer was going to make me a better, stronger person. I definitely appreciated my family, friends and health a whole lot more than I did prior to my diagnosis. As the days, weeks, and months passed by, and I still did not feel like my old energetic, fun self, I began to question whether this cancer really was making me a better person. I certainly didn’t feel strong. Frankly, it really pissed me off that I might never feel good again. It angered me that I couldn’t control how I felt. I had to rely on a medication to give me the energy that my thyroid used to do on its own but I was required to take more of that very medication to keep the cancer away. That, in turn, made me feel bad. I started asking myself, is this really making me a better person??

I began to wonder if I just needed to come to terms with the “new me”. I even hoped that I would forget what it felt like to feel good because then maybe I could deal with the fatigue better. Maybe if I could just get used to it, the thoughts of my fatigue would not consume me. The problem was that I couldn’t just get used to feeling achy and feeling like my brain was in a fog all the time. It just all felt frustrating and I came very close to telling my doctor that I didn’t think I could deal with the way I felt for much longer.

Fortunately, a wonderful thing happened to me.  I was given the great news that I was still cancer free after my one year testing and, because of this, my doctor allowed me to back off of my medications a little bit.  Over the next 4 months I began to feel less achy and have a whole lot more energy. I felt like the fog was finally lifting and I was getting glimpses of my old energetic self and what an amazing feeling that was! Now, two years after being diagnosed with thyroid cancer, I have days where I hardly think about my cancer because I often feel “normal”.   It is a beautiful feeling and something I definitely do not take for granted.

So am I a better, stronger person because of this cancer diagnosis? This journey continues to teach me a lot about myself. I am much more grateful for each day.....the good, the bad, AND the ugly days. I might complain sometimes but I am always able to put myself in check.....because I had cancer. I am painfully aware that there are so many others diagnosed with cancer traveling much tougher roads which sometimes lead to death. I don’t take life for granted......because I had cancer. I see hundreds of acutely and chronically ill patients every day in my job and I now know what it means to not feel great for a lengthy period of time. I will never take my good health for granted.....because I had cancer. I often see Facebook posts about how sad it is that the weekend is over and it is only the start of the long new week.  I used to feel the same way, but those types of posts really bug me now. I love EVERY day of the week...especially Monday......because I had cancer.  Life is fragile and things can change in an instant.  I know...... because I had cancer. So, YES, I am a better, stronger person who is extremely grateful to be healthy and I feel blessed to wake up each day and find the beauty in each waking hour.....because I had cancer.

Photo by Brenda Bisharat Photography

{GIVEAWAY} THE CALLIGRAPHY GIRL

This next giveaway comes from another very creative mom entrepreneur, Lara Kiniris. Her company is called "The Calligraphy Girl" because she specializes in calligraphy writing but it is so much more than that!! In addition to using her talents to address envelopes for special occasions, like weddings, she also creates works of art with her calligraphy, which she likes to call "word art". Her creations are beautiful and each piece is unique.

The Calligraphy Girl holds a special place in my heart because Lara created a beautiful cancer ribbon to celebrate my one year thyroid cancer anniversary, using words I chose to describe my journey from the beginning to becoming a cancer survivor.

I also had her create an Irish cross with the names of all the children, their spouses and grandchildren of my in-laws to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.

The Calligraphy Girl has created cute calligraphy art to celebrate children like this cute baby bottle:

and a beautiful dress for the princess:

as well as a baseball or basketball for the sports lover:

Want to give a friend a unique present to celebrate a significant birthday?? Lara created this purse for one of our mom's best friends using words our mother chose to best describe her friend. How cute is this??!!

Or perhaps your friend is a shoe lover….

Lara's calligraphy art is amazing and unique and is sure to be a treasured gift for anyone. What I love most about Lara is that she is willing to try anything. You give her the object you want to make, along with the words you want to use, and she creates it!! I have had her create several things and she hasn't disappointed me yet.

So now for the best part……THE GIVEAWAY.  One winner will receive an 8x10 calligraphy "word art" piece from The Calligraphy Girl. She will work with you to create your special piece. Enter below and good luck!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

A Year Ago I Was Diagnosed With Cancer And Today....I'm A Survivor!!

Today I am a one year cancer survivor! One year ago, to the day, I received some pretty bad news from my doctor. I was told I had thyroid cancer. It is a day I remember quite vividly....kind of like how those of us that have had children can so vividly remember the birth of each of our children...only this memory is not a happy one. I remember the exact time my surgeon called me to deliver the news.....6:30 pm. I remember the shock I felt inside as he delivered the news over the phone and hearing those words "You have cancer." I remember hearing my surgeon tell me that I would need a second surgery and then treatment to rid my body of this cancer and the helpless feeling of not knowing what that would feel like.

I remember not being able to control my emotions and completely losing it in front of my sweet boys and husband the second I hung up the phone. Lastly, I remember the calls I made to  my parents, sister and brother, who were all out of town, and listening to the shock in their voices as they discovered their daughter and sister would have to fight cancer.  I cried a lot that day...more than I had ever cried in my adult life! It's a day I would love to forget, but, I can't, because it changed my life forever. It also changed the lives of those in my family forever. Some of these changes have been hard to accept but many of the changes have been gifts, and that is what I hold onto and celebrate.

While I was crying one year ago, I am jumping up for joy and celebrating today!! I am FINALLY feeling pretty good and, so far, all tests I've had show no evidence of cancer. My biggest tests are coming up in March but I'm optimistic!! Cancer has taught me many things and the aftermath of cancer and the treatment to keep it away continues to challenge me. I will never let it get the best of me, though, because I am a fighter. I AM A SURVIVOR!

My talented friend, Lara Kiniris, who has an amazing company called The Calligraphy Girl, made the cancer ribbon at the top of this post in honor of my one year survivor anniversary. The ribbon contains words that describe my journey with thyroid cancer over this past year. Some of these words include: Faith, Hope, Love, Fight, Live, Breathe, Kick Cancer's Butt, Support, Livestrong, Overcome, Stand Up 2 Cancer, Struggle, Radioactive, Isolation, Family, I Am Blessed, and Survivor, among many other words. I feel so lucky to have this beautiful ribbon because it will remind me of the journey I've had with cancer and how blessed I am to live each day of my life....a true gift!

Some people might think it is strange to celebrate the anniversary of being diagnosed with cancer. For me, however, it is not a celebration of a diagnosis but rather a celebration of life. I am celebrating making it through a tough journey. I am celebrating feeling good. I am celebrating a new appreciation for my family, friends and my health. I am celebrating being a SURVIVOR!!

"The Free Dictionary" defines "survivor" as follows: "to carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere. To live, persist." I prefer my personal definition of "survivor" which is: "A person who has looked cancer in the eye, has kicked it's butt with the love and support of family and friends, and has learned to enjoy every second, minute, and day of her life to the fullest!!" You are looking at one happy woman who is ready to celebrate many more years of being a survivor! Happy One Year Cancer Survivor Anniversary to Me:-)

~Anna